Uncertainty

I suffer daily with the battle I wage against my own self. I have a fear of unknown, what if, am I good enough.

I tend to shy away, cower say some. I protect myself. At times I worry I'm too guarded in my heart and soul. I've been broken, but worse I feel was I was barely built up to begin with.

I try my hardest, to be more, give more, accept more. It's so very hard when every fibre of your being screams in agony and terror. I had so many aspirations or dreams nay, whimsical notions of people, place and experiences I wanted in life. I have achieved only two great things in life and at times I worry I have failed them.

To be or not to be?

How easily you can over think something. I do this everyday. I actually almost find comfort in it at times.

Though it can be a killer in my life's efforts to move forward. I try to just "go with it" etc but I lack that ability. I am an emotional reactive person. Though I tend to hide them away. I can numb them off to the rest of the word. Sometimes it's becomes as chaotic as an atom bomb in my heart and mind. They suck.

How do I discern what I want. How do I live and experience without the guilt or worry?

How do you put so much trust and vulnerability into something that had scorned your soul....do you dare to be so brave and uninhibited again? Or do you give half heartedly and wonder what could have been, all while convincing yourself it's for the better it never happened?

Hamlet posed the correct question in his play with Shakespeare's play....."To be or not to be?"